I can’t afford to lose it. (2)

“Brother!”

A child ran with all his might.

“Brooother!”

His small hand reached out desperately towards someone’s back that was just out of reach. The broad back, in contrast to the child’s tiny hand, seemed infinitely strong in the child’s eyes, yet it was growing more distant with each passing moment.

“Take me with you! Take me with you, brother!”

He shouted with all the strength his little voice could muster, but the back continued to recede, the distance between them refusing to close no matter how hard he ran.

“Brooother!”

Realizing that he could no longer catch up, the child screamed at the top of his lungs.

At that moment, the distant figure slowly turned around.

The child, who had been running with all his might, abruptly stopped. The eyes that met his were so cold, so indifferent.

– Go back.

The voice echoed like a deep, resonant bell, devoid of any emotion.

– It’s too much for you.

The child’s clenched fists trembled.

“Wh-Why?”

The child’s eyes filled with a mixture of despair and anger.

“I… I might be able to do it too! If I try! If I try harder…”

– You cannot.

But despite the child’s desperate pleas, the man’s gaze remained unchanged.

– Go back. Desires beyond your means will only bring you misery.

The child gritted his teeth, about to shout once more, but the figure in the distance had already vanished like a mirage.

“Aah…”

The child’s eyes wavered with confusion and heartbreak.

“Brother!”

Why? Why wouldn’t he even give him a chance? All he wanted was the opportunity to stand in the same place, to walk the same path.

It wasn’t about surpassing him, or proving his worth. The child only wished to be by his side, to walk together. That was all.

But why wouldn’t he allow even that?

“Aah…”

Was it because he never possessed it?

No. He did have it.

“You all?”

Before his eyes, others appeared.

Dressed in black uniform with the plum blossom emblem on their chests, they were the ones he had searched for, traversing a great distance to find the place where ‘he’ belonged.

“Samae… Yoon Jong-ah, Geol-ah…”

It didn’t have to be Jin Geumryong’s side. Now, he had others to walk the path with.

But…

“Why are you looking at me like that…?”

The eyes that once looked upon him with warmth were now cold and unfamiliar, like a bitter wind of the Northern Sea. The warmth he had always relied on had vanished, replaced by icy, indifferent stares.

“Guys?”

He called out hesitantly, but as soon as he did, the three who had been looking at him turned their backs simultaneously, fading away like a mirage.

“Hey, wait! Where… where are you going?”

Panic seized the child as he reached out desperately.

But his hand grasped nothing. The place where his companions had stood was now filled only with empty air.

“Why…?”

Why did they leave him behind? Why?

He frantically looked around, but there was nothing. Just a barren, desolate landscape. In this dim, lifeless space, he was utterly alone.

“Where did everyone go?!”

Fear began to creep into his voice, though perhaps it was more sadness than fear.

“Why…?”

The child spun around, desperately searching for any sign of them, but the emptiness around him felt suffocating, with nothing in sight.

“Ah!”

Then, in the distance, a faint light appeared. It was dim, as if it might extinguish at any moment, but it was undeniably a light.

Without hesitation, the child ran towards it, his breaths coming in ragged gasps.

“Huff! Huff!”

His breath became labored, and his body felt as heavy as a boulder. Yet, he pushed himself harder, as if he could shatter his body in his desperate dash toward that faint light. With every ounce of strength left in him, he screamed the name of the figure bathed in the dim glow.

“Chung Myung-aaaaaaah!”

The figure, familiar yet somehow strange, slowly turned to meet the child’s gaze.

“Ch-Chung Myung. I… I want to go with you! I want to!”

The once-motionless lips parted slowly.

– Can you come?

“What…?”

– I asked if you can come.

The child’s face twisted in despair.

“I can! I can do it too!”

But Chung Myung’s gaze remained unchanged, cold and lifeless, more like stone than something alive. His eyes seemed to pierce right through the child.

– How?

“What…?”

– Can you really come? It seems like you have nothing left.

“What do you mean…?”

Confusion clouded the child’s eyes as they wavered with uncertainty. Then, for the first time, a mocking smile spread across Chung Myung’s face, one the child had never seen before.

– You really don’t know?

It was in that moment.

“Huh?”

The surroundings blurred in an instant. No, it wasn’t the world that was breaking – it was the child himself.

Like inky darkness spreading from his toes up, the child’s body began to disintegrate, crumbling apart.

“A-ah…”

The child looked down in horror as his body was consumed by the pitch-black darkness, and finally, a scream tore from his throat.

“Ah… Aaaaaahhh!”

❀ ❀ ❀

His blurry, foggy vision slowly began to clear. The sensation of being submerged deep underwater, followed by a gradual feeling of floating, brought with it a suffocating discomfort that constricted his throat.

‘Where am I…?’

The surroundings felt unfamiliar. The scent in the air was vaguely familiar, but the sights that greeted his still somewhat clouded vision were strange and unknown.

With great effort, Baek Cheon managed to lift his heavy eyelids and slowly turned his gaze to the side.

He saw a familiar curly-haired figure.

‘Jo Geol…’

And beside him, someone slightly less familiar… No, it wasn’t that the person was unfamiliar, but rather that seeing them slumped over the bed, asleep, was what felt strange.

‘Samae.’

As Baek Cheon quietly observed them, he slowly let his gaze drift to the ceiling.

He was alive.

‘I really survived… somehow.’

A soft cough escaped his lips. The moment he became aware that he was still breathing, a dull, pervasive pain surged through his entire body.

‘How long was I unconscious?’

It felt as though a thick fog had settled in his mind, his thoughts sluggish and unclear. And just as he began to wonder, the weight of sleepiness once again started to press down on him.

As Baek Cheon struggled against the sleep that kept pulling him back into a hazy dream state, the tent at the side of his bed was drawn back, and someone walked in.

“Sasuk? Have you regained consciousness?”

“Huh? Yes?”

The voice startled Jo Geol, who had been dozing off, and he jerked his head up. The moment he saw Baek Cheon’s open eyes, he jumped up and rushed to his bedside.

“You’re really awake? No, Sahyeong! I wasn’t sleeping, I swear…”

“Shh.”

Yoon Jong gently pushed Jo Geol aside and, with a serious expression, addressed Baek Cheon.

“Are you alright?”

Baek Cheon’s half-closed eyes struggled to open fully. He tried to speak, but as opened his mouth, his parched lips cracked painfully.

“Water! Geol, get some water!”

“Right here, Sahyeong.”

Jo Geol had already anticipated the need and was pouring water from a pitcher into a bowl. Yoon Jong took the bowl and carefully brought it to Baek Cheon’s lips, letting the water trickle into his mouth.

“Cough.”

Baek Cheon coughed again, the sensation of swallowing was as if he were forcing down thorns rather than water. Yet, the pain served to clear his mind somewhat, bringing him back to reality.

“Sasuk.”

“He-” 

Words wouldn’t come out easily. Baek Cheon bit his lips firmly, then forced his mouth open once more.

“Help… me up…”

“Geol.”

“Yes!”

Jo Geol quickly moved to the other side of Yoon Jong, and together they carefully lifted Baek Cheon’s upper body, helping him sit up.

“Can you sit up on your own?”

Baek Cheon nodded with difficulty. His cracked lips parted, and a hoarse voice faintly escaped.

“How… long… was I unconscious?”

Yoon Jong hesitated briefly before responding.

“You’ve been unconscious for five days, Sasuk.”

“Five days…?”

“Yes. It was a close call.”

Baek Cheon nodded faintly and then asked another question.

“Where… are we?”

“We’re at Wudang.”

“And… Sapaeryeon?”

“They’ve retreated. Since then, there haven’t been any significant movements from them.”

Baek Cheon stared intently at Yoon Jong. Under that gaze, Yoon Jong began to explain further, even without being asked.

“Don’t worry, Sasuk. The disciples are all safe. Some got injured, but nothing too serious – they’ll recover quickly.”

“…”

“And… Wudang has suffered heavy losses, but at least the worst was avoided. With their disciples’ efforts, they should be able to preserve their sect. All thanks to you, Sasuk.”

Baek Cheon’s gaze slowly darkened, sinking into a deeper contemplation.

“Yes, Sasuk. You did something truly remarkable. You really did.”

Even Jo Geol, who rarely engaged in such flattery, was now offering awkward praises, his expression betraying how out of place he felt.

“…”

Baek Cheon stared at the two of them blankly before shifting his gaze elsewhere.

Yu Iseol, his junior, stood silently at the foot of his bed. Unlike the other two, her eyes were not indifferent as they usually were, but rather, they held a subtle sadness.

Yoon Jong spoke again.

“Right now… your body must feel heavy, but that’s just because the injuries were severe. You’ve been treated well, so you should recover soon.”

Instead of responding to that, Baek Cheon asked a different question.

“Chung Myung?”

“Ah… that rascal… Where on earth is he when Sasuk has woken up!”

Jo Geol immediately burst out, his irritation evident.

To Baek Cheon, the entire scene felt strangely out of place. It was as if they were all wearing ill-fitting clothes, performing a role in a play that didn’t quite suit them.

“You all…”

Swish.

As Baek Cheon moved slightly, the cloth covering his upper body slipped down. He glanced down absentmindedly and fell silent, his lips pressing into a tight line.

Even through the bandages, the shape of his body was evident. His arms, wrapped tightly, appeared pitifully thin, a stark contrast to what he had remembered.

“Oh!”

Jo Geol quickly grabbed the cloth and pulled it back up to cover Baek Cheon’s neck.

“Your body isn’t in good shape right now. You need to rest a bit more.”

“Geol.”

“Maybe after you get some more sleep…”

“Take it off.”

“Sasuk…”

“Now.”

Despite the weakness in his voice, it was firm and unyielding. The insistence in his tone left no room for argument, and Jo Geol, hesitant, looked to Yoon Jong for help.

But what could Yoon Jong do? He, too, resigned to the inevitable, closed his eyes briefly and nodded in agreement.

Jo Geol let out a short sigh before reluctantly lowering the cloth covering Baek Cheon’s body.

In the ensuing silence, Baek Cheon’s gaze darkened as he looked at his arms.

Barren tree branches.

That was the first thought that came to Baek Cheon’s mind. His arms, wrapped in bandages, were no longer the ones he remembered.

Yoon Jong, struggling to conceal the despair in his expression, spoke carefully.

“The injuries were severe, Sasuk. Lord Tang is doing everything possible… you’ll recover soon…”

“Unwrap the bandages.”

“Sasuk, right now might not be the best time…”

“Yoon Jong.”

“…”

“Take them off.”

Yoon Jong bit his lower lip hard, fighting with the urge to argue. But in the end, he resigned himself to the inevitable and reached for the bandages wrapped around Baek Cheon’s arm. His movements were slow and reluctant, as if dreading what he would reveal.

A heavy silence filled the room.

Finally, Baek Cheon’s arm was exposed.

The arm was thin and withered, discolored, with a sickly black hue creeping across the skin. It looked like the arm of a man far beyond his years. That image was painfully etched into Baek Cheon’s eyes.

“Sasuk…”

“…”

Despite Yoon Jong’s call, Baek Cheon remained silent, staring at his arm for a long time. Then, he slowly lifted his gaze.

Yu Iseol, without a word, stepped forward and drew back the curtain that surrounded the bed. The open window revealed a clear, expansive sky.

Baek Cheon fixed his eyes on that sky.

‘So, this is it…’

Even his fingertips didn’t tremble. His will no longer resided in his arms. They felt alien to him now. 

‘So, it has come to this…’

– It seems like you have nothing left.

His arms were like the broken wings of a bird, crippled and unable to soar through the sky again. They were the bars of a cage, confining a bird that would never again take flight.