I can’t afford to lose it. (3)

Wudang’s Medical Hall.

In the innermost sanctum of a hall that appeared twice as large as Hwasan’s, a place where the doors were seldom opened to outsiders, two men, dressed in attire unrelated to Wudang, sat facing each other.

One man’s face was remarkably calm, while the other’s was dark and heavy with concern.

“To put it bluntly…”

Tang Gunak’s voice was low as he unconsciously lifted his teacup, only to pause abruptly. His gaze had fallen on Baek Cheon’s bandaged arm. Feigning composure, he set the teacup back down and continued.

“Fortunately, your life is not in danger.”

It was an obvious statement. The person sitting across from him certainly hadn’t come here just to hear that. 

Even knowing this, Tang Gunak offered the conventional words. It was not easy, even for the one known as the Poison King, to immediately say what the other truly wished to hear.

“As for your arm… it may be inconvenient for now, but with consistent effort, it will improve significantly. That much, I can guarantee.”

The weight of the situation was immense.

The eyes that stared at him, unwavering, made him feel it even more. It felt more burdensome now than when he was being crushed under the duties of a family head, losing himself in the process.

In the end, unable to withstand that gaze, Tang Gunak spoke, almost in a sigh.

“But… you won’t be able to use martial arts anymore.”

There was no particular reaction.

Perhaps because of that, Tang Gunak felt compelled to continue speaking words that hadn’t been asked for.

“There is such a thing as miracles in this world, so I can’t give a definitive answer. Of course, continuing down the path as a warrior will be exceedingly difficult.”

Tang Gunak observed Baek Cheon’s expression as he went on.

“But even if you’re no longer a warrior, as a Taoist…”

“Lord Tang.”

At that moment, Baek Cheon’s tightly closed lips finally parted.

“Would it be rude if I were to request your opinion solely as a physician?”

There was a deep courtesy in his tone. That unwavering composure, even in such a situation, brought a heavy sigh from Tang Gunak.

“The body is the vessel for the energy, and your vessel has been shattered.”

“…”

“I’m not just talking about your dantian. If it were only your dantian that was broken, the physical strength you’ve cultivated so far could be preserved. But your body has also suffered severe damage from this incident. In other words…”

“My weakened body cannot return to its original state.”

Tang Gunak closed his eyes tightly. But he could not close his ears, so Baek Cheon’s gentle voice penetrated him without fail.

“Even if a broken vessel is mended, it can never be the same as it was before.”

In the end, Tang Gunak gave a slight nod.

“Speaking as a physician… that is correct.”

It was truly a tragic situation, but in Tang Gunak’s eyes, Baek Cheon was now no different from an ordinary commoner who had suffered a great accident. It might take several months… no, perhaps even years, for him to walk properly and use his arm again. And that’s only if he made relentless efforts.

“Especially your arm…”

Tang Gunak bit down hard on his lower lip. No matter how hard he tried to remain composed, his heart refused to settle.

How could it not?

Baek Cheon was one of the most promising talents in Gangho. Anyone who knew him acknowledged that he was the pillar who would lead the future of Gangho, rather than the eccentric Chung Myung. 

While it might not have been certain that he would become the best in the world, it was undeniable that he would become one of the most influential figures.

Tang Gunak now had to declare that this man’s life as a warrior was over. It was no different from pronouncing a death sentence.

“No matter what measures are taken… you won’t be able to return to the way you were.”

“…”

“Of course, with enough effort, you might improve to some extent… but as for how you were…”

He struggled desperately to speak calmly, to compose himself and utter those words. Had there ever been a time in his life when it was so difficult to speak?

But fortunately, Baek Cheon spared Tang Gunak from further strain. Looking directly at Tang Gunak, Baek Cheon asked. 

“Even if I can’t use my internal energy, even if I can’t muster the strength to wield it, will I not be able to hold a sword again?”

Tang Gunak couldn’t easily bring himself to answer.

All he could do was meet Baek Cheon’s gaze without looking away. That was the best, and the only, thing he could manage.

“I see.”

It was Baek Cheon who spoke first, his voice steady and unwavering. It was a voice that sounded as though he was merely reiterating something he already knew.

“I thought as much.”

“Vice Sect Leader.”

Baek Cheon glanced briefly down at his arm.

“I suppose I pushed myself too hard.”

A faint sigh escaped from Tang Gunak’s lips, one he could no longer suppress.

Perhaps Baek Cheon had already braced himself for losing his martial arts. No, perhaps he had even prepared himself for death. That was the kind of person Baek Cheon, the Vice Sect Leader of Hwasan, was.

But had he prepared himself for this? Could he have imagined this outcome?

A life where he was denied even death, where he would lose everything he desired and hoped for, and merely continue to exist?

Had this young man really anticipated such an end?

Tang Gunak had no regrets. Even if he could go back, he would still do everything in his power to save Baek Cheon without hesitation, even knowing the result. After all, he was not only the head of the Tang clan but also a physician.

But what about Baek Cheon? Was this truly the outcome he wanted?

Had Tang Gunak’s efforts inadvertently pushed Baek Cheon into an even deeper abyss?

Perhaps… for this young man, a heroic death might have been a better ending than a miraculous survival.

It was impossible to say. He couldn’t presume to judge.

“Are…”

And so, Tang Gunak finally spoke. It might have been an immature thing to do, but he couldn’t keep the question inside any longer.

“Are you okay?”

The question slipped out despite himself, and a flicker of surprise passed through Baek Cheon’s eyes, as if he hadn’t expected Tang Gunak to ask such a thing.

But it was only for a moment. Soon, calmness settled back into Baek Cheon’s gaze.

“‘Am I okay’…”

Baek Cheon’s voice trailed off slightly, but there was no sadness in the tone that lingered on his unfinished words.

“It would be a lie to say I’m not affected.”

“…Of course.”

“But…”

Baek Cheon’s gaze drifted out the window. In his eyes, the elegant pavilions of Wudang came into view.

“Already, many have lost their precious lives.”

“…”

“They too had dreams they wished to fulfill, tomorrows they longed for. And those who remain will have to endure the pain of the empty spaces left behind by those they lost.”

Tang Gunak nodded heavily.

“In a situation like this, I can’t afford to complain as if I’m whining, not when I’ve managed to hold on to my life.”

“That’s certainly true,”

Tang Gunak replied, though he slowly shook his head, his expression contradicting his words.

“But that’s just the surface of the matter, isn’t it?”

He looked directly at Baek Cheon and asked again. 

“What I’m asking is whether your heart is truly okay.”

A heavy silence fell between them.

Baek Cheon lowered his gaze, and Tang Gunak absently rubbed the teacup in his hands. Just when the long silence began to weigh on Tang Gunak, filling him with regret for asking, Baek Cheon finally spoke.

“To be honest… I’m not sure yet.”

“…”

“I still… Yes, I still don’t know. My mind hasn’t settled, so I can’t say for certain what state I’m in right now.”

Tang Gunak released his grip on the teacup, realizing just how childishly he had been acting. The pain, the regret, the sorrow – all of it belonged to Baek Cheon. Why had he been pressing him so insistently?

“Yes, of course. I asked an unnecessary question. Don’t worry about it.”

“But…”

Baek Cheon looked at Tang Gunak quietly as he spoke.

“Whether I regret it or not, I know that if I could go back to that moment, I would choose the same path again without a second’s hesitation.”

Seeing the rough smile on Baek Cheon’s face, Tang Gunak let out a long sigh.

“That… is what we call ‘having no regrets,’ my friend…”

His voice was filled with boundless sorrow.

❀ ❀ ❀

“S-Sasuk.” 

Yoon Jong’s face turned pale as he watched Baek Cheon walk through the large pavilion that had been temporarily assigned to Hwasan and Cheonumaeng.

He wasn’t doing anything but walking, yet Yoon Jong’s face turned as white as a sheet for one reason: he knew how excruciatingly painful it must be for Baek Cheon to perform even this simple act.

And sure enough, cold sweat was pouring down Baek Cheon’s face like rain as he took each step. In the brief moment it took Baek Cheon to approach, Yoon Jong’s palms became drenched with sweat as well.

“Sasuk, y-you should be resting…”

“Yoon Jong.”

“Yes? Yes! Yes, Sasuk!”

“Don’t just stand there spacing out – come and help me.”

“…What?”

“What are you doing?”

Yoon Jong stared at Baek Cheon in disbelief for a moment, only to snap out of it and rush to his side. He carefully supported Baek Cheon by holding him around the waist, not daring to touch the shoulder or the arm that needed the most care.

“Sasuk, you should be resting. Why did you come out?”

“Over there.”

Baek Cheon pointed to a desk on one side of the hall, which had been set up for administrative work. It wasn’t his usual desk and was currently empty.

Realizing what Baek Cheon meant, Yoon Jong was struck with dismay.

“Hurry.”

But with Baek Cheon urging him, Yoon Jong couldn’t bring himself to say anything more and guided him to the desk.

“Huu.”

Baek Cheon exhaled deeply as he slowly sat down in the chair.

“It’s a bit better now that I’m sitting.”

…Could that really be true?

In his current state, even lying in bed would be a challenge for Baek Cheon. Simply sitting in a chair couldn’t possibly bring him any comfort.

“What… do you plan to do, Sasuk?”

“Bring me the work I need to handle. Oh, and the tasks you’ve been managing in the meantime as well.”

“S-Sasuk, I can take care of those.”

“Yoon Jong-ah.”

Yoon Jong pressed his lips together, unable to argue. The calm yet determined look on Baek Cheon’s face left him speechless.

“I know you can handle it.”

“Sasuk…”

“But there are still things I need to do. Please, just do as I ask.”

Reluctantly, Yoon Jong nodded.

“What do you need?”

“Reports on the movements of Sapaeryeon, the list and status of the casualties, progress on securing supplies. Oh, and all the reports that have been sent to the headquarters so far.”

“Yes, Sasuk.”

Yoon Jong quickly turned and dashed away.

Before long, all the documents he had been holding, along with the correspondence that had flown in from various places, were placed on Baek Cheon’s desk.

Baek Cheon swiftly scanned the letters before him, then stared intently at the brush Yoon Jong had brought. Realizing his mistake, Yoon Jong bit his lip and hurried to take the brush away.

But before he could, Baek Cheon extended his trembling hand, shaking like a leaf in the wind.

The hall grew increasingly silent.

There was a time when Baek Cheon’s sword had reached the heart of the Black Dragon King and pierced the chest of the Sun Palace Lord. The hand that had once gripped that sword, the hand that had touched the summit of Gangho, was now pathetically stretching out with all its might just to grasp a simple brush.

The arm that reached out was pitifully thin.

This was the same arm that everyone had believed would firmly grasp and lead the future of Hwasan, now reduced to such a miserable state.

The disciples of Hwasan couldn’t help but clench their fists or cover their mouths. It was unbearable to watch Baek Cheon’s hand tremble so helplessly, his face drenched in cold sweat.

“…Sahyeong.”

“Keep your mouth shut.”

When one of them couldn’t hold back a tearful whisper, another sternly and quietly admonished him with a voice tinged with anger.

“Just… shut up.”

But even that anger was thick with emotion, barely holding back tears.

Even as Baek Cheon felt the weight of all the gazes and the oppressive atmosphere, he continued to stretch his hand towards the brush with all his remaining strength.

– It seems like you have nothing left now, doesn’t it?

‘Not yet… Not yet. Not yet.’

His trembling fingertips finally touched the brush that Yoon Jong held out to him. But in the end, he couldn’t properly grasp it.

“Yoon Jong-ah.”

“Yes… Yes, Sasuk.”

Yoon Jong tried to maintain a composed tone, but his voice quivered uncontrollably.

“Tie the brush to my hand.”

“…Sasuk.”

“Help me.”

Yoon Jong squeezed his eyes shut, his heart aching. He then began unwrapping the bandage around Baek Cheon’s hand and secured the brush to it.

Exhausted, Baek Cheon watched this scene unfold and slowly closed his eyes.

‘It’s not over yet. Not yet…’

His long eyelashes trembled slightly. Though his face remained stoically calm, this small detail betrayed the struggle he could not fully conceal.